Jacky F. ant the Farming Circus
by BooBoo
Summary: OK, It's my first fic in a while so it's not my best, but it's still pretty funny. This fic is made up of about 5 skits. Well, that's enough with the review now read and enjoy (and you can review too). Some strong language but you mature enough, right.


Jacky F. and the Farming Circus  
By: BooBoo aka next Mel Brooks  
**************************************************  
[fade in][Jack is walking through the streets of town]  
  
Jack: Hey Basil  
Basil: Hey, motherfucker  
Jack: Yo Basil, your damn high  
Ellen: Oh Basil last time I saw thee you were this high  
[Ellen gets out of her rocking chair and staggers around]  
Basil: Fuck you to old lady  
[Jack and Basil Walk to the next House]  
Basil: Holy shit, Jack, look in the mayors house  
Jack: Kano and the Mayor are walking around in nothing but velvet thongs  
Basil: I'm not voting for him in re-election  
Jack: This is a frickin' dictatorship, he was born into mayorship  
Basil: Oh, yeah. I forgot  
[scene fades out]  
*******************************************************  
[Jack's conversation with the Harvest Goddess]  
Jack: Hey Broadzilla here's and egg now come out and talk to me  
Harvest Goddess: Why have you come to seek my wisdom  
J: How come you stopped granting my wishes  
HG: Well I heard some stuff about you  
J: Like what  
HG: I heard that at noon every day you stop your chores to masturbate  
J: Who told you this shit  
HG: Kano  
J: Kano? How the hell does he know  
HG: Well, He's kind of like that  
J: Yea, I know, He's always hiding behind my shipping bin. Then I see his big ass hair sticking up out of the top and I know he's just waiting for me to toss in some corn  
[all of a sudden nappy comes by]  
Nappy: Hey farmer, your mother was a hamster and your father stunk of elderberries  
[Jack, rears back and kicks Nappy in his trolly ball and Nappy flies into the shipping bin landing on Kano who was, ah-hem, using my corn and broke his neck]  
****************************************************  
  
Host: It's time for poetry hour, and reading our poem today is Jack Farmer of Mineral Village  
  
Jack: my poem is entitled "Kano Sucks"  
  
[Jack's poem states]  
  
Kano G.  
Took a pee  
In his pants  
It turned brown  
Made him frown  
On his Face  
What a day for Kano G.  
  
Kano G. likes it long  
He sucks on dong  
And shoves it up his butt hole  
[end of Poem]  
  
Host: Jack please try not to bring profane literature on this show  
[Just then Basil shows up]  
Basil: hey Jack I just found this great Marijuana, it's the shit they smoke in Vietnam  
It makes me say Damn  
It smokes better than ham  
I like to eat them clam  
And to you I say No Ma'am  
I did not fire one up with Jack's lamb  
  
Jack: yea, I know how you got Bessie blazed  
Basil: Bessie is a cow, right  
Jack: yea  
*****************************************************  
10 Harvest Moon scandals  
  
1. No matter how long you play the mayor is never up for re-election  
2. Ellen won't die, dammit  
3. Kano is gay, this is not a lie  
4. If you look at barley you notice he has a chronic boner  
5. No matter what the Old guy with the boner tells you, miracle potion is preserved bull sperm  
6. How come Ann is always in Gray's room?  
7. Pastor carte isn't a Pastor,... he's a Rabbi  
8. We all know how you make moon drop dew, yep-huh  
8. This should be nine  
10. The artificial brain they put in Kano was from Abby,.. Abby,... Abby Normal? now that explains it  
**********************************************************  
[Time for the final song]  
I never wanted to do this in the first place! I... I wanted to be...   
A FARMER!   
(piano vamp)   
Leaping from Plot to Plot!   
As they Fall into my bin!   
With my best goat by my side!   
The potato!   
The turnip!   
The Funky Cabbage!, whoops that shouldn't be in there   
The Cucumber!   
The Little Whopping Pineapple!   
We'd sing! Sing! Sing!   
Oh, I'm a farmer, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day.   
  
CHORUS: He's a farmer, and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day.   
  
I plow the fields, I eat my lunch, I go to the la-va-to-ry . On Wednesdays I go shoppin' And have buttered stones and herbal tea.   
  
Mounties: He plows the fields, he eats his lunch, He goes to the la-va-to-ry. On Wednesdays he goes shoppin' And has buttered stones and Herbal tea.   
  
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers. Kano puts on women's clothing, And hangs around in inns.   
  
Villagers: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He likes to press wild flowers. He puts on women's clothing And hangs around.... In bars!!!!!  
  
I chop down grass, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear grandpapa.   
  
Girls: He cuts down grass, he wears high heels Suspenders and a .... a Bra???? (Villagers break off song, and begin insulting Jack)   
  
Ann: (crying) I thought you were so rugged  
  
Yes I meant Kano  
  
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt  
Jack: Oh hell yes I did  
Villagers: No he ddddddddiiiiiiiiiiidddddddnnnnnnnn''''''ttttttttttttttt  
Director: Cut it and print it  
Jack: I can't get a WORD IN EGEWISE WITH YOU SONS OF THE VILLAGE PEOPLE  
  
Villagers: we're the village people  
Jack: (sigh)  
  
THE END 


End file.
